Perhaps some day... MARY DRAPER

In my 46 years of life I have met a lot of people from all ages, ethnic background, many countries and so on. I have it for a heavenly blessing to have been able to be in touch with many of them... and I still can't regret enough my totally ruining some of those blessings as I grew up.

The best of the blessings on earth is wisdom and, oh, boy, do I mean it with my very heart!! Some of us always missed the bus to Wisdom City. Hey, I didn't even know how to get to the bus stop, or worse, that it even existed at all! As of today, I shamefully admit to have the unbeatable Guinness record for stupidity and simplicity. But in His abundant mercies, the Lord began my restoration almost 25 years ago (exactly last week of March 1984) and since then He has constantly and lovingly been working on this piece of stone. He still has to frequently hammer it very hard, though, but it's definitely working for His glory alone and my blessing.

Because of my Guinness record, along the road I hurt some people that never deserved it. I know, I know, haven't we all some time in our lives? Yes, but that thought hasn't made it any easier as I keep growing in grace and in His knowledge. I asked the Lord to forgive me and I know He did, but I have always wondered how could I possibly let those people know how truly sorry I am of what happened 10, 20 or even 30 years ago!

In some other cases, I didn't hurt someone specific, but I let their friendship slip through my fingers and did nothing about it.

All of those people are out of my life, I have no clue whether they are alive or not, or if they even remember me at all, but I want to let them all know what's in my mind and heart about them. Until today I wasn't sure how I could do that... and after giving it some thought I think this is the best way to let them know. Will they ever read about it? Who knows... perhaps some day...

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MARY DRAPER - Consular Officer in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, 1985

One of the sweetest persons I've ever met in my life; very quiet blond girl with a beautiful hair.

I was working at the American Consulate in my country and she arrived to the Immigrant Visa Section as a Vice-Consul. I immediately liked her because she represented everything I wasn't: she was smart, quiet and very kind. By then I had just been Christian for about a year, still with most of my old package on the back: I was loud, way too fast for everything and never paid too much attention to anything; in fact, when I arrived to the office, someone always said somewhere 'the earthqwake just arrived!'

I took Mary Draper to her first beauty salon and I really enjoyed her company. There was this other officer, Michael something (sorry Michael), also a really nice guy who took in his charge to help her get adjusted to her new life.

Michael had a girlfriend. I can't write her whole name because I don't want to get in trouble for my history, but her first name is very common so Maria could be anyone in the Dominican Republic. I knew Maria from school and I never really liked her back then. We were in a nun school and she was one year ahead of me. As I remember her, she was arrogant and unfriendly. But there was Michael with his girlfriend whom he really liked, and he took Mary Draper along with him to their get-togethers.

After six or seven years without having a clue about Maria's life, one day I found her at the gym I was going to. We said the proper salutations and asked the proper questions of two people that were paying the same amount of money for the same physical shape. When she found out I worked at the Consulate she immediately told me about Michael: that she didn't like him at all because he was so dull and she was just about to end that relationship, and how much she detested Mary Draper because she was even duller and completely lifeless.

And though James wrote it in the context of faith in prayer, yet he says in his letter James 1:8 "he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways," including "all his ways." He's talking about someone who has no true convictions about anything and can be easily dragged from one side of the force to the other. As I heard Maria speaking, that sweet girl Mary Draper and that really nice guy Michael something came down from being quiet and kind to be dull and lifeless... and from the mouth of such a bad and annoying person. Please don't say anything, I've beaten myself enough already. I still have the hardest time coping with the memories of my being so clueless about the things that really matter in life and that are all included in Christ: wisdom, honesty, love, friendship, serving others and courage.

So one day Michael is talking to me about Maria, all smiles yet telling me she's a difficult girl (so kind of him just to call her 'difficult'), and there I go telling him (I still don't know why) how boring was to be around Mary Draper. His face transformed in seconds and after that conversation Mary Draper never spoke to me again.

Mary, I could have three dozens of blogs writing PLEASE FORGIVE ME and it will not be enough. You are one of the sweetest, kindest and most honest persons I've ever met and I ruined it big time to be friends with someone from whom I would have learned so many good things. I have prayed so badly for the Lord to grant me an opportunity on this side of life to say FORGIVE ME, I'M THE SORRIEST EVER, and with you I earned one of my highest scores in Idiotics 101!!! Hopefully this blog will travel in time and space and reach your eyes some day.